Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
