My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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