i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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