I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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