GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
