well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
