he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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