Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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