Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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