pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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