i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
