So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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