Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
