Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
