we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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