ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
