I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
