He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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