There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
