I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
