Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
