your thong is hanging out like whoa
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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