I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
