Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
