Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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