Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
