i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
