People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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