Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
