i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
His nipple licking is glorious
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