someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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