Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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