all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
