Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
