Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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