I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
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