Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
