After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
