She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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