What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i will never coherently bang her
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
