just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
