He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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