i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just want nice things and good sex
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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