why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
handjob tips. give me some.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
