Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
