No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
