I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
