my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
