last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
