I'm really into asian looking animals
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
