it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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