Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
