i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
