Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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