there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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