Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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