i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
