I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
