Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
