Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Randomize
