The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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