Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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