that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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