No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
