you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
