I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
