Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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