It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
