Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I could fuck to npr.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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