hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
