I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
