bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
