yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
