Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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