the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
