I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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