the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
