What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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