planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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