i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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