Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
